Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
