It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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