at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
