How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
