this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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