I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
