i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
