He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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