I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize