What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
