You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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