So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
