We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
