Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
