I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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