Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Panties = found
Randomize
