So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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