you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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