I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
