I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
