He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
