you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
