what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
