I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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