I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
