I can tuck mytits in my pants
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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