I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
