The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When are your genitals available?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
