Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
