This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
