talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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