What did we do last night that was yellow?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
