You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
