Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
