Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
