Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
