I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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