I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
