i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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