but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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