Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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