I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
