The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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