I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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