whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
