I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
