dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
