Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
