2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
