I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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