I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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