well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
