Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
