are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
