can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
