i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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