I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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