He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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