We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
