Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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