2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Text me some of your sweat
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
