Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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