i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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