You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
