any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
